Hell to Pay
by Lil black dog
Summary: A missing scene from Absolute Horizon, takes place immediately after chapter 17. Just what happened after the events in the zero-G booth? A look at what occurred through the eyes of McCoy, Kirk, Chapel and Spock.
1. Chapter 1: McCoy

Disclaimer: Whaddya mean I don't own Trek?! Says who?! I sure as hell didn't get _that_ memo!

A missing scene from _Absolute Horizon._ Takes place immediately after chapter 17. If you haven't read it, this will make little to no sense.

A/N: Written for Anna Amuse, whose incredibly touching story _Absolute Horizon_ was the inspiration, and for Steff, who _dared_ me to write something. My first fanfic ever. As a matter-of-fact, outside of schoolwork my first original work of fiction ever. If it's good, I have these two ladies to thank for their patience, guidance and gentle encouragement. If it's bad, I have no one to blame but myself...

**Hell to Pay - McCoy  
**

McCoy lifted his head from his desk as he heard the doors to the sickbay whoosh open, followed by a spirited litany from Christine. And she sounded quite angry.

"I don't know what the two of you were thinking, but that was some of the stupidest behavior I've seen in a long time, and from two of our senior officers, too!" What kind of example is that for the crew?"

At this, McCoy dragged himself to his feet and started to move toward the treatment room. "Probably Sulu and one of his compatriots from his Tae Kwon Do class," he muttered to himself under his breath.

But the reprimand he had in store for these two died on his lips as he emerged from his office and was met by the sight of the captain and first officer, flanking a very irate Christine, hands on her hips, her back to McCoy.

"That was really uncalled for! You could have seriously hurt one another! And where would that leave us on this mission, with both our Captain and First Officer on the injured reserve list?"

She stopped her tirade abruptly, turning as she heard McCoy's footsteps behind her.

"Jim, what in blazes –", he started, but stopped quickly when Kirk's head snapped up, anger dancing over the hazel eyes, silently saying 'not now, Bones, just drop it.' And just as quickly as the Captain had raised his gaze, he dropped it again, settling for staring at something fascinating on the Sickbay floor.

McCoy shifted his glance to Spock, who did not look up to meet his eyes, but continued to stare fixedly at his left boot. The room fairly crackled with tension, neither man willing to look at him, or each other for that matter, and Christine standing between the two looking helpless and frustrated.

He quickly assessed their injuries: judging by his stance and rapid breathing, Kirk probably had several broken ribs. In addition, his lip was bleeding and the beginnings of a black eye were becoming visible. On the other hand, Spock looked none the worse for wear, except that he seemed to be favoring his left leg, his weight shifted onto his right one to counteract the discomfort. But their body language said it all: this was no accident - these two had been in a knock-down, drag-out fight. _Just what the hell is going on here?_

McCoy closed his lips over the choice comment he wanted to make, rapidly switching gears. Understanding the silent need for the two men to be separated at the moment, he tried a different tack.

"Christine, would you please take Mr. Spock into the exam room and check his knee for me? Judging by his current stance, I'd say it's at least sprained, if he hasn't outright torn a ligament." He said this knowing Christine would not agree to it if she felt Spock's injuries were serious.

A silent plea passed between McCoy and Chapel, and she once again became the quintessential model nurse, all crisp efficiency compounded with a proper dose of professional detachment.

"You heard Dr. McCoy – if you'll follow me, please Mr. Spock," and she disappeared into the next room. Spock hesitated for just an instant, as if deciding which were the lesser of two evils – staying here and facing McCoy's wrath, or subjecting himself to what he viewed as Christine's none-to-professional ministrations where he was concerned. After a split second of indecision, he turned on his heel and followed Christine without a word.

"Okay Jim, hop up here and let me have a look at you," McCoy said, patting the nearest exam table. Kirk looked up and started to protest, but McCoy won the silent battle of wills this time.

He watched as Kirk crossed the distance in a few steps, gingerly seating himself on the table, a slight wince of pain playing over his face. McCoy had also slipped into the role of consummate professional, waving his Feinberger over the captain with practiced ease.

"Hmm, three broken ribs, a superficial laceration to the lining of your right lung, and quite a shiner to go with that split lip," he drawled, trying hard to keep his tone light and non-confrontational. "Mind explaining to me just how you managed this, Jim?" he asked, a little more gruffly than he intended.

"We were working out in the zero-G booth," Kirk offered, wincing again as McCoy probed his sore ribs.

"And…," McCoy prodded gently as he reached for a hypo, dialing up a strong painkiller.

"And, well, things got a little out of hand," Kirk finished uncomfortably as the doctor injected him. McCoy waited patiently for him to continue. "It's not unprecedented, Bones, you know how easy it is to miscalculate in zero gee. One minor error and things can get out of hand pretty quickly."

"That must have been one hell of a miscalculation, Jim," he snapped, his anger getting the best of him. "I'd like to know just who it was who _miscalculated_ – you or Spock?"

Kirk's head jerked up again at that, and McCoy could see the flash of anger in his eyes reappear – anger, and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Wanna talk about it, Jim?"

Just as suddenly as the anger had appeared, it melted away to be replaced with – fear, desperation, longing, remorse – he wasn't sure. And that was quickly masked into a look McCoy couldn't read, a wry grin suddenly breaking over Kirk's features.

"Nothing to talk about, Bones, it was just an accident, really." But McCoy wasn't sure who Jim was trying to reassure – the doctor or himself.

"I find it hard to swallow that it was 'just and accident'," McCoy snorted. "If it had been, Spock would have carried you here himself, your image in the eyes of the crew be damned." "There's no way on God's green Earth that –"

Suddenly, the door to the adjoining exam room swished open to reveal Spock. He glanced briefly in their direction, his eyes pleading silently with McCoy's - but what was he asking? Is Jim all right? Are we all right? What did he tell you? McCoy wasn't sure.

He went for the safe bet. "Three of his ribs are broken, there's a superficial tear in his right pleura, and luckily, there is no break in the orbital bone around his right eye, although you'd never know it to look at him," he finished dryly, eyeing the Vulcan carefully.

During this exchange, Kirk's gaze remained fixed on the floor – he did not look at the Vulcan nor ask about his condition. Once again, McCoy's eyes traveled between the two men. _Just what the hell is going on here? _It only served to increase McCoy's suspicion that there was much more to this than a mere _miscalculation. _But he also realized that forcing a confrontation now would do more harm than good. Spock was now staring at Kirk's bowed head, seemingly willing Kirk to look at him, and Kirk was just as determined to avoid the other's gaze. Neither man spoke. Spock opened his mouth as if to say something, but McCoy shook his head slightly and Spock, seeming to think better of it, turned and disappeared into the corridor without a backward glance.

"Your obvious concern for him is really touching, Jim," he quipped, somewhat sarcastically, as he bent to clean the cut on Kirk's lip. At least Spock had had the decency to ask about Kirk's condition, even if only silently.

"Why should I be concerned? It's just a sprained knee, you said so yourself," the captain snapped. His tone softened a bit. "Besides, if you thought there was something really wrong with him you would have insisted on checking him yourself. You never would have let Christine handle it by herself."

McCoy stopped his ministrations and looked Kirk squarely in the eye. "All right Jim, wanna tell me what's really going on here? Since when have you not been worried about every little bump and bruise he suffers? And we're talking about Spock, mind you – the walking trouble magnet."

When Kirk didn't respond, McCoy continued, angrily, "And what about your condition? You and Spock have been working out together for years, and in all that time, you've never come in here with injuries this severe. Spock is a lotta things – hell, I'll be the last one to defend him – but he certainly wouldn't do this by accident. He's much too cautious for that, especially where you're concerned. Just what the hell happened in there?"

Kirk met his gaze with stubborn resistance, the hazel eyes darkening, but he remained obstinately silent.

McCoy felt a sudden chill run down his spine, and the friend in him longed to march Kirk into his office, sit him down, and get to the bottom of this mess. The psychologist in him warned him of the danger, however. He had not been immune to the growing discord between the two, and while he had a pretty good theory on what was causing it, it was very clear that, at the moment, neither of them was willing to discuss it. But McCoy was sure it had everything to do with what had occurred in the zero-G booth. It would be several days before they reached their destination, so he decided just letting them stew for now was the best course of action. Spock might not seek him out, but he was sure Jim would once he'd had a chance to calm down and put things in perspective.

His decision made, McCoy continued, more calmly, "Okay, just lie back and let the bone knitter work, Jim. And I'll do something about that eye and lip – can't have the captain appear in front of his crew looking like he just returned from a bar fight on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet."

But his attempt at levity was once again met with stony silence. The ghost of a smile McCoy had seen playing on Jim's face a few minutes before had vanished along with Spock's departure. Having finished repairing the damage to Kirk's lip and eye, his thoughts in turmoil, not sure what else to do, McCoy opted for escape – it would give him time to think, and more importantly, it would give Jim time, too.

"I've got some work I need to finish, Jim. Just lie here quietly and let the bone knitter do its work. Shouldn't take more than an hour or so. If you don't think you can manage to sit still for that long, I can certainly call Christine in here to babysit," he said smugly, grinning at Kirk. Mercifully, Christine seemed to have gotten the silent message that he wanted to be alone with the captain, and had obviously found something else to occupy her time after Spock's hasty retreat. He needed to talk to her, badly, but wouldn't do so while Kirk was still here. Didn't want to give him the impression they were ganging up on him.

Kirk's eyes met his again for an instant, and then his gaze slid away to something that was unquestionably much more interesting on the far wall. McCoy turned to go, but not before resting his hand reassuringly on Kirk's arm, giving it a slight squeeze. "When you're ready, so am I, Jim." And with that, he beat a hasty retreat to his office.


	2. Chapter 2: Kirk

**Hell to Pay - Kirk**

He chose to lead the way to Sickbay, not wanting to appear weak. Not wanting Spock to see just how badly he'd hurt him. _If the pain were only physical, he'd be much better equipped to deal with it._ His ribs throbbed steadily, and he breathed with quick, short gasps in an effort to offset the constant ache in his side.

Christine was a few steps behind him, and had mercifully ceased her tirade once they'd reached the corridor. He could sense Spock behind her, but was unwilling to turn around and give the Vulcan the satisfaction of knowing he was worried about him. His face colored slightly as he thought of the blow he'd aimed at Spock's heart.

His thoughts were interrupted as the three of them entered the turbolift. Christine was the only one to speak. "Deck five," she snapped, and Kirk could feel her stare upon him, almost burning him with its intensity, as she took advantage of the confined space and privacy to glower at each of them in turn.

When the doors opened, he marched out, in the lead once again, but his pace slowed as they neared their destination. How on Earth was he going to explain this to Bones? Worse still, what would the doctor infer from what _wasn't_ said?

The three of them entered Sickbay, Christine launching into her lecture again as soon as the doors closed behind them.

"I don't know what the two of you were thinking, but that was some of the stupidest behavior I've seen in a long time, and from two of our senior officers, too!" What kind of example is that for the crew?" As she was speaking, she moved to stand in front of them, hands on her hips, her blue eyes sparkling with anger. "That was really uncalled for! You could have seriously hurt one another! And where would that leave us on this mission, with both our Captain and First Officer on the injured reserve list?"

She stopped her tirade abruptly, turning as she heard McCoy's footsteps behind her.

"Jim, what in blazes-," McCoy began.

Kirk snapped his head up as he tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to reign in his anger. He met the doctor's stare squarely, willing him to drop it. He saw McCoy's look of shock and confusion change rapidly to one of gentle concern, and found he could no longer meet the doctor's gaze. Hastily he averted his eyes.

After a slight pause in which he quickly assessed the situation, McCoy spoke.

"Christine, would you please take Mr. Spock into the exam room and check his knee for me? Judging by his current stance, I'd say it's at least sprained, if he hasn't outright torn a ligament."

Kirk breathed a sigh of relief at that – at least he wouldn't have to explain to McCoy what had happened _in front_ of Spock.

"You heard Dr. McCoy – if you'll follow me, please Mr. Spock," she said, and disappeared into the next room. Out of the corner of his eye, Kirk saw Spock hesitate for an instant before turning to follow her. The doors to the exam room closed, and he and McCoy were alone.

"Okay Jim, hop up here and let me have a look at you," McCoy said, patting the nearest exam table. Kirk looked up and started to protest, but one glance at the doctor told him McCoy would brook no argument.

He crossed the distance in a few shaky steps, the pain catching up with him. He climbed unsteadily onto the table, trying hard not to wince as his ribs protested against the sudden movement. Unable to meet the doctor's worried gaze, his eyes traveled to the wall behind McCoy. He listened as the doctor waved the Feinberger over him, his thoughts once again returning to the events in the zero-G booth_. Christine was right – just what the hell _had_ he been thinking?_

"Hmm, three broken ribs, a superficial laceration to the lining of your right lung, and quite a shiner to go with that split lip," the doctor drawled evenly. "Mind explaining to me just how you managed this, Jim?" he asked, a little more gruffly.

"We were working out in the zero-G booth," Kirk offered, wincing again as McCoy probed his sore ribs.

"And…," McCoy prodded gently, reaching for a hypo.

"And, well, things got a little out of hand," Kirk finished uncomfortably as the doctor injected the hypo's contents into his arm. _ Boy, was _that _an understatement! _Seeing that McCoy was waiting for further explanation, he continued slowly. "It's not unprecedented, Bones, you know how easy it is to miscalculate in zero gee. One minor error and things can get out of hand pretty quickly."

"That must have been one hell of a miscalculation, Jim," the doctor snapped, angrily. "I'd like to know just who it was who _miscalculated_ – you or Spock?"

Kirk jerked his head up again at that. Just what was McCoy implying? Did he somehow realize Kirk had pushed Spock into that behavior? Did he mean that Jim had miscalculated regarding Spock's reaction to his challenge, or that Spock had miscalculated allowing for the injuries to occur? He saw something flash in the doctor's eyes, and then McCoy asked softly, "Wanna talk about it, Jim?"

Kirk's mouth went suddenly dry. Talk about it? How could he possibly explain to McCoy that he had goaded his best friend in the universe into doing him bodily harm, simply because he wanted to hear him say _I care, Jim_, you_ are important to me, _and Spock refused to be manipulated into doing so. _ Why Spock? Why the hell couldn't you just say it? We both know you feel it. Why do I always have to act like I'm the only one who gives a damn?_

Fearing his face was giving too much away, Kirk quickly suppressed those thoughts, replacing them with a grin he hoped conveyed an ease he did not feel.

"Nothing to talk about, Bones, it was just an accident, really," he whispered, unsure whether he was trying to reassure himself or the doctor.

"I find it hard to swallow that it was 'just and accident'." McCoy was on a roll now, phaser banks set on full stun couldn't have stopped him. "If it had been, Spock would have carried you here himself, your image in the eyes of the crew be damned." "There's no way on God's green Earth that-"

Suddenly, the door to the adjoining exam room swished open to reveal Spock. Kirk hastily averted his eyes. _Don't look at him_, he told himself, _if you do, you're lost._

Kirk could see something pass silently between the doctor and Spock, and then McCoy said, matter-of-factly, "Three of his ribs are broken, there's a superficial tear in his right pleura, and luckily, there is no break in the orbital bone around his right eye, although you'd never know it to look at him."

During this exchange, Kirk's gaze remained fixed on the floor – he did not look at the Vulcan nor ask about his condition.

He watched McCoy from under his lashes, saw him shake his head slightly, and then heard the Vulcan's footsteps retreat into the corridor as the Sickbay doors closed behind him.

"Your obvious concern for him is really touching, Jim," he said, his anger and confusion evident as he started to clean the cut on Kirk's lip.

"Why should I be concerned? It's just a sprained knee, you said so yourself." _Terrified, that I hurt him on so many levels. The image of his blow to Spock's heart came to mind unbidden. _This came out harsher than the captain intended. He softened his tone a bit. "Besides, if you thought there was something really wrong with him you would have insisted on checking him yourself. You never would have let Christine handle it by herself." Again, he was unsure if he was trying to convince McCoy or himself.

McCoy stopped what he was doing, looking sharply at him. "All right Jim, wanna tell me what's really going on here? Since when have you not been worried about every little bump and bruise he suffers? And we're talking about Spock, mind you – the walking trouble magnet." _What could he possibly say to that?_

"And what about your condition? You and Spock have been working out together for years, and in all that time, you've never come in here with injuries this severe. Spock is a lotta things – hell, I'll be the last one to defend him – but he certainly wouldn't do this by accident. He's much too cautious for that, especially where you're concerned. Just what the hell happened in there?" McCoy snapped, his blue eyes hard and insistent.

Kirk met his gaze with stubborn resistance, but remained obstinately silent. _ I only got what I asked for, and far less than I deserved._

He saw the doctor's face darken suddenly, as his gaze turned introspective, processing something Kirk could not follow. His CMO remained silent, lost in thought for a few moments. Just as quickly, the frown disappeared, as if McCoy had come to an important conclusion.

"Okay, just lie back and let the bone knitter work, Jim. And I'll do something about that eye and lip – can't have the captain appear in front of his crew looking like he just returned from a bar fight on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet."

McCoy's attempt at levity went unnoticed, his ministrations forgotten, as Kirk's thoughts once again turned to Spock. _Can he forgive me? Can we get past this? Will our friendship survive it? If I lose him, will I be able to survive it? _ In his mind, he could hear Spock's words echoing hollowly through the zero-G booth: _Then, why don't you order_ _me to surrender . . . ?_

McCoy's voice pulled him out of these destructive thoughts.

"I've got some work I need to finish, Jim. Just lie here quietly and let the bone knitter do its work. Shouldn't take more than an hour or so. If you don't think you can manage to sit still for that long, I can certainly call Christine in here to babysit," he finished smugly, a slight grin lighting his craggy features.

Kirk's eyes met the doctor's again for an instant, and then he slid his gaze away to the far wall. McCoy turned to go, but not before Kirk felt a reassuring hand squeeze his arm briefly. "When you're ready, so am I, Jim." And with that he was gone, leaving Kirk alone with his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3: Chapel

**Hell to Pay - Chapel**

The trip to sickbay went by mostly in silence, Kirk slightly ahead, leading the way, Christine between the two, and Spock bringing up the rear.

There was so much Christine wanted to say; she was still so angry with both of them for what they'd done! She realized however, that this was this was neither the time nor the place to confront them, so she silently observed the two men instead. Both were sullen and withdrawn, not making eye contact with her or each other. Kirk walked slower than usual, bent slightly to the right, breath coming in shallow gasps in an attempt to alleviate the pain of what she knew to be several broken ribs.

Her gaze then traveled to Spock. The Vulcan walked with a slight limp, favoring his left leg, but unlike Kirk, that was the only outward sign of what had transpired between them in the zero-G chamber.

What worried her most, though, was the fact that while the Captain was obviously experiencing a considerable amount of discomfort, Spock seemed immune to it. Normally she would expect to see him at Kirk's side, offering at least moral if not actual support. What had gone wrong between the two of them? She had seen the anger build as they faced off against one another, but since she had not been privy to their conversation, she had no idea what caused the violent confrontation.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the turbolift, and the three of them stepped inside. "Deck five," she snapped, when she realized neither of them was going to do it. Her gaze shifted first to Kirk, who practically squirmed under her scrutiny. Unwilling to meet her eyes, she then turned and glowered at Spock, who at least had the good graces to blush, head bent, the tips of his ears slightly green. Neither said a word, to her or each other, which only added to her discomfiture.

As the doors opened, Kirk practically launched himself out of the lift, heading for Sickbay as if the Hounds of Hell were after him. She hurried to follow, with Spock bringing up the rear. As they neared their destination, Kirk's pace slowed however. Could it be that he was afraid to face McCoy's wrath?

_He most certainly should be, _she thought,her initial anger rekindled, seeing once again the blow he had aimed at Spock's heart_. _As the doors closed, she rounded on the two of them, hands on her hips, once again launching into her litany. "I don't know what the two of you were thinking, but that was some of the stupidest behavior I've seen in a long time, and from two of our senior officers, too!" What kind of example is that for the crew?" Barely pausing for breath, she continued, "That was really uncalled for! You could have seriously hurt one another! And where would that leave us on this mission, with both our Captain and First Officer on the injured reserve list?"

She stopped her tirade abruptly, turning as she heard McCoy's footsteps behind her.

"Jim, what in blazes –", he started, but stopped quickly when Kirk's head snapped up, his anger evident in the hazel eyes. _How dare he! Surely the Captain realized his CMO would have every right to be furious. Did he think he could bully McCoy into silence? _She felt her own anger flare again.

She watched as McCoy shifted his glance to Spock. The Vulcan continued to stare at his left boot, ignoring the doctor completely. She could feel the tension in the room, heavy and ominous, as the two men refused to look at McCoy, or each other for that matter. She felt completely nonplussed as she stood in front of the two of them, looking to McCoy for guidance.

She saw the doctor pause, carefully assessing the situation, and then he said, "Christine, would you please take Mr. Spock into the exam room and check his knee for me? Judging by his current stance, I'd say it's at least sprained, if he hasn't outright torn a ligament."

She exchanged glances with McCoy then, whose eyes pleaded silently with hers, saying, _Please, Christine, do this for me. I need to talk to Jim alone._

Seeing that silent plea, her anger melted away to be replaced with crisp professionalism as she slipped effortlessly into the role of Head Nurse.

"You heard Dr. McCoy – if you'll follow me, please Mr. Spock," and she disappeared into the next room, willing Spock to follow her. He seemed to hesitate for just an instant, and then she heard the tattoo of his boots on the deck, almost right behind her.

She closed her eyes briefly, giving thanks to whatever deity watched out for nurses and stubborn Vulcans, and turned to face Spock, hearing the door close behind him.

"Okay Mr. Spock, let's have a look at that knee. Please sit up here while I examine you," she said, indicating the nearest exam table. Spock crossed to it without comment, perching himself on the edge, veritably radiating his discomfort as he did so.

_This is going to be tricky. I need to be very careful – he's so vulnerable right now. If I say the wrong thing, if I yell at him, he will just withdraw deeper into himself. _ She turned to retrieve a scanner from the shelf, taking a deep, cleansing breath.

"Okay, let's have a look at you," she said lightly, meanwhile her heart thumping in her chest most uncomfortably. She waved the scanner over Spock, noting that his gaze had returned to his left boot. His left ACL was strained and he had some minor bruising on his thighs and back, but she had to suppress a gasp when the instrument revealed the large contusion over his heart. She shivered inwardly, the vivid image of Kirk's well-aimed blow coming to mind. The bruise was raised slightly, and quite painful she surmised, but superficial. No damage had been done to his heart, thankfully. She had seen the captain and first officer at odds before, but never to the point of trying to seriously injure one another. _What was going on here_?

"You did damage your anterior cruciate ligament in your left knee which is causing the limp, and there is a large bruise over your heart. Is the bruise painful?" she asked gently.

"It is not causing me undue discomfort at the moment," he answered hoarsely.

"I can use the tissue regenerator on it if you'd like…"

"That will not be necessary Nurse, I am quite functional," he interrupted, his voice steadier now.

_The hell you are_, she thought silently, but said aloud, "Well, I know that knee is bothering you, so if you lay on your stomach I can tighten it up for you."

Spock glanced up at her sharply before moving to comply. Once he was situated comfortably on the exam table, Christine removed his left boot and sock, pushing the uniform trousers up to expose the back of his left knee. "I just need to run the tissue regenerator over this for a few minutes," she said lightly, placing the instrument on the exposed skin and turning it on.

She observed him silently for a few moments, noting the way his eyes were squeezed shut, his arms wrapped around the pillow. She was still upset by what she'd seen in the zero-G booth, but knew instinctively that Spock would not understand her anger, and expressing it would only cause him to retreat deeper within himself. Mulling things over carefully, she spoke quietly.

"The Captain will be fine, you know, and I'm sure he won't hold it against you," she tried to reassure him. He started visibly at that, but chose not to answer. "I'm not sure what went on in there," she ventured, once again seeing him snap the duranium staff as if it were a twig, "but I'm sure the two of you can work it out."

"It was a simple miscalculation on my part," he said, causing her to jump. She hadn't expected a reply. 'I shall endeavor to correct such errors in the future," he said evenly.

They fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts, as she continued to run the regenerator over his knee. _A miscalculation? I have never known Mr. Spock to miscalculate where the Captain's safety was concerned. If anything, he is usually overly-cautious. So what caused that sudden and fierce showdown?_

His voice roused her from her silent reflection. "Nurse, may I ask you something?"

"Of course you may, Mr. Spock" she responded, unsure of where this was headed.

"What are your plans upon completion of the current mission?

She hesitated a moment before answering. _Now why on Earth would he ask me that? _Just an attempt to get her to talk about something, _anything_, other than what she had just witnessed, she supposed.

"Well, I've been considering going to Medical School," she answered finally. "Dr. McCoy has been most helpful and encouraging. I suspect that's why he let me examine you just now," she lied evenly, using a bright smile to cover her uneasiness. She knew full well why McCoy had separated the two, and she was in total agreement with his decision.

Spock considered that for a little while, before finally answering. "A most appropriate choice, Nurse. I have always believed your abilities could be better served in a more challenging field. While your nursing skills are exceptional, I believe your true talents lie elsewhere."

"Why thank you, Mr. Spock," she said, genuinely touched by his unsolicited praise. "There, all finished. You can sit up now."

He pushed himself up to a seated position, once again perched on the edge of the table.

"Here," she said, handing him his sock and boot.

"And what are your plans following Medical School?" he asked softly, head bent to the task at hand.

"I think I'd like to come back to the _Enterprise_ after her refit…that is, if Dr. McCoy will have me. Medical professionals can be so testy when their former subordinates become colleagues." She paused for a moment, watching Spock mull that over, and then continued. "I went into space searching for my fiancé, but came away with a family instead. The _Enterprise_ just feels like home to me now."

Spock's head came up at that, and he favored her with an unreadable look. Seeing that he had his boot back on, she switched gears.

"Okay, stand up and give that knee a try," she said lightly.

Spock obeyed, taking several steps before turning to her once again.

"It is sufficiently healed, thank you Christine." She shivered slightly at his use of her first name, a wide grin brightening her face.

"Go on, go check on the Captain," she teased. "I'm sure Dr. McCoy is almost finished with his exam."

She watched as he pondered that, and then his expression softened ever so slightly.

"Thank you, Nurse. You have been most kind," he intoned. Without a backward glance, and with some alacrity, he disappeared through the doors, leaving Christine alone in the exam room.


	4. Chapter 4: Spock

**Hell to Pay – Spock**

The trip to Sickbay took place mostly in silence, Kirk leading the way, Nurse Chapel a few steps behind him, with Spock bringing up the rear. Feelings of despair and remorse washed over him. There was no way to justify what he had done, or what he had refused to say. Despite wishing it were otherwise, Spock's eyes were drawn to his captain.

Jim's gait was slower than usual, his breathing labored, his body hunched slightly to the right in an attempt to ease his pain. Spock knew with absolute certainty several of his ribs were broken. The sound of those agonized breaths, knowing he was responsible for them, weighed heavily on him. He remembered the sickening crunch as Kirk had collided with the wall of the zero-G chamber. _Jim, why did you force me to do that? Surely you must realize that you are the last person in the universe I would choose to injure? I was endeavoring to ensure your safety. Why did you fight me?_ He longed to go to Jim's aid, offer a supportive arm, but sensing that Kirk did not want or require his assistance, he hung back, dropping his gaze to the floor as he noticed Chapel's eyes on him, unwilling for her to see the turmoil he was sure was visible there.

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the turbolift, and the three of them stepped inside. It was Chapel who said, "Deck Five," since neither he nor Kirk was inclined to do so. Chapel's verbal assault had ceased upon entering the corridor, and yet her anger persisted, battering against his already compromised shields in the confined space.

Spock sensed more than saw her irate gaze shift from his Captain to him, and felt a sudden heat envelop him. He struggled to focus, his control in tatters after the events in the zero-G booth. _Why Jim? Why was it so necessary to you that I verbalize it? Surely you could sense my concern?_ He glanced sideways at his captain, but Jim kept his eyes averted.

As the lift doors opened, Kirk stepped out, once again in the lead. Chapel hurried to follow him and Spock swallowed hard, attempting to gather his control about him like a cloak. He would need it to deal with McCoy's fury, once the doctor found out the nature of Kirk's injuries, and the fact that he was responsible for them. He followed a few steps behind the two of them, willfully reinforcing his shields for the confrontation he felt was sure to come.

Once they entered Sickbay, Christine began her rant again as soon as the doors snapped closed.

"I don't know what the two of you were thinking, but that was some of the stupidest behavior I've seen in a long time, and from two of our senior officers, too!" What kind of example is that for the crew?" She had moved to stand in front of them, hands on her hips, her disapproval quite obvious. "That was really uncalled for! You could have seriously hurt one another! And where would that leave us on this mission, with both our Captain and First Officer on the injured reserve list?"

She stopped her tirade abruptly, turning as she heard McCoy's footsteps behind her.

"Jim, what in blazes-," McCoy began.

He knew without seeing it that Kirk's head had snapped up, engaging McCoy in silent confrontation, effectively cutting off the doctor's declamation before it began. Spock groaned inwardly. Jim was doing it yet again – using his indomitable spirit, the sheer force of his personality, to bend McCoy to his will. Just as the captain had done to Spock in the zero-G booth minutes earlier, once again demonstrating his powers of manipulation, especially where these two men were concerned. _And McCoy acquiesced, just as I did._

He could feel McCoy's eyes upon him, but was unable to meet them. After a brief pause, the doctor spoke.

"Christine, would you please take Mr. Spock into the exam room and check his knee for me? Judging by his current stance, I'd say it's at least sprained, if he hasn't outright torn a ligament."

A sense of anguish and loss seized him in that instant. _And so it begins_. McCoy was attempting to separate them. It seemed their separation was imminent now. At this point, there was no turning back, despite his fervent wish that it could be otherwise. The path had already been set. He was merely adhering to it.

Nurse Chapel spoke next. "You heard Dr. McCoy – if you'll follow me, please Mr. Spock," she said, and disappeared into the next room.

Gripped by a moment of indecision he hesitated, wanting to remain here with Jim. With every fiber of his being, he felt his place was here, at his captain's side. It was where he had always been, and had always intended to be. And yet he knew unerringly that his place would no longer be here, could no longer be here. Focusing on that thought, he turned and followed the nurse into the exam room.

Once the doors closed, she turned to face him. "Okay Mr. Spock, let's have a look at that knee. Please sit up here while I examine you," she said brightly, indicating the nearest exam table. He walked over and perched himself on the edge without comment.

She turned and retrieved a scanner from the shelf behind her, then came to stand in front of him, the instrument whirring in her hand. "Okay, let's have a look at you." A slight frown crossed her features, and he averted his gaze once again.

"You did damage your anterior cruciate ligament in your left knee which is causing the limp, and there is a large bruise over your heart. Is the bruise painful?" she asked gently.

"It is not causing me undue discomfort at the moment," he replied, hoarsely. _But it would certainly offer a more logical explanation for the dull ache in his side._

"I can use the tissue regenerator on it if you'd like…"

"That will not be necessary Nurse, I am quite functional." Stronger now.

"Well, I know that knee is bothering you, so if you lay on your stomach I can tighten it up for you."

He looked up at her and then rolled to his stomach. He slid his arms around the pillow, closing his eyes. He could feel her quickly remove his boot and sock, pushing up the leg of his uniform pants to expose the offending appendage. "I just need to run the tissue regenerator over this for a few minutes," she said lightly, placing the instrument on the exposed skin and turning it on.

As the silence stretched, he thought of his abominable behavior in the zero-G booth. Jim had always tested his control, but unfortunately had managed to shatter it completely in that one incomprehensible, irretrievable instant. The opportunity had been there, for them to finally come to grips with, to understand and acknowledge this powerful bond between them, and yet Spock knew, even if Jim was as yet unaware, that there could not have been any other outcome. _I regret that I was unable to comply with your wishes, Jim. Unfortunately, the situation is irresolvable. Please understand - if there had been any other way…_He started slightly when Chapel spoke.

"The Captain will be fine, you know, and I'm sure he won't hold it against you," she said, reassuringly. "I'm not sure what went on in there," she ventured, "but I'm sure the two of you can work it out."

"It was a simple miscalculation on my part. I shall endeavor to correct such errors in the future," he said evenly. _Miscalculation?_ He heard himself saying to Jim, _Then, why don't you order me to surrender? _Just how had he presumed the Captain would react to such a challenge? He knew Kirk better than anyone, knew exactly how he would respond when faced with such an ultimatum, and yet he had done it anyway. He knew Kirk did not like to lose. Unforgivable. Worse still, he had done it knowing he would not be able to give the answer Jim wanted, expected of him. He had never been able to say no to this man before. And yet somehow he had found the strength to do so; it was imperative that he do so, for to give in, to say yes, would be their undoing. There was no other option. There was nothing he could do, no matter how he felt. Having set events in motion, he would do whatever was necessary to protect Jim, as he had always done. Even if it meant protecting him from himself.

Nurse, may I ask you something?" he intoned quietly, a conscious effort on his part to pull himself from such destructive, painful thoughts.

"Of course you may, Mr. Spock" she responded cheerfully.

"What are your plans upon completion of the current mission?

She hesitated a moment before answering. "Well, I've been considering going to Medical School," she answered finally. "Dr. McCoy has been most helpful and encouraging. I suspect that's why he let me examine you just now." He could hear, rather than see, her smile.

Spock considered that for a little while, before finally answering. "A most appropriate choice, Nurse. I have always believed your abilities could be better served in a more challenging field. While your nursing skills are exceptional, I believe your true talents lie elsewhere."

"Why thank you, Mr. Spock," she said, her pleasure at his unsolicited praise evident in her voice. "There, all finished. You can sit up now."

He pushed himself up to a seated position, once again balanced on the edge of the table.

"Here," she said, handing him his sock and boot.

"And what are your plans following Medical School?" he asked softly, tugging his sock and boot back into place.

"I think I'd like to come back to the _Enterprise_ after her refit…that is, if Dr. McCoy will have me. Medical professionals can be so testy when their former subordinates become colleagues." She paused for a moment before continuing. "I went into space searching for my fiancé, but came away with a family instead. The _Enterprise_ just feels like home to me now."

Spock glanced at her sharply. _Indeed. _He felt the same way. The _Enterprise _and her crew had become his only home, his only family – the only one that mattered to him at this point. And it contained that one very special human: Jim Kirk. Glimpses of the last five years came to him – snippets of his life here:

_Playing his harp in the rec room, Uhura singing along. _

_Companionship shared over games of chess, either in main rec or their quarters. Discussing ship's business over a meal. _

_Workout sessions in the gym. _

_A calming presence, eyes offering comfort and support as the Denevan parasites tormented him mercilessly. _

"_I haven't heard a word you said, Mr. Spock, and I'll get you to Vulcan somehow." _

_Strong arms lifting him, being carried away from the scene of Vaal's violent attack. _

_"Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no wish to serve under them. Captain...a starship also runs on loyalty...to one man, and nothing can replace it, or him." _

_Jim, waist-deep in Tribbles. _

_A quiet corner of the darkened rec room, voices low, heads bent close, discussing the latest warp innovations presented in a technical journal. _

"_Spock, I…uh…sorry – it does hurt, doesn't it?" "What would you have me say, Doctor?" _

"_Forget…" _

Yes, the _Enterprise_ was his only home now, but he would not be able to remain here. He thought ruefully of the conversation he had with Jim in his quarters several days ago:

_This is our last mission during this tour, _Kirk said quietly_._

_Quite probably._

_That doesn't bother you?_

_All things end, Jim._

_And you don't feel sorry? Even a bit?_

He remembered his answer: _Jim, I cannot tell you the future. And for the past, as I know it now, I have few regrets. You are not one of them. _

Unbelievably, that future had been irrevocably changed that fateful night when Sudak had confronted him in his quarters. Forcing him to face what up till now he had been studiously avoiding. Forcing him to view with total clarity what was to come if events were allowed to continue unchecked. This path would only lead to destruction. His initial, clumsy attempt to carry out his decision had been met with disastrous results in the zero-G booth. He must endeavor to do better, be stronger. And now that this course had been set, he must not falter. It would be by far the most difficult thing he had ever done, and yet it was necessary. His future would now be utterly, profoundly different. And it certainly wouldn't include Jim. Why did that thought torment him so?

Chapel's voice pulled him out of his dark musings. "Okay, stand up and give that knee a try," she said lightly.

Spock obeyed, taking several steps before turning to her once again.

"It is sufficiently healed, thank you Christine," he said, quietly.

She brightened visibly at his use of her first name, a wide grin warming her features. "Go on, go check on the Captain," she teased. "I'm sure Dr. McCoy is almost finished with his exam."

He considered that carefully, before turning to her once more. "Thank you, Nurse. You have been most kind," he remarked. And with that, he turned and disappeared into the next room.

***

The conversation between the doctor and his captain halted abruptly as he entered the treatment room, Kirk dropping his gaze to the floor. He met McCoy's eyes evenly over Jim's bowed head, silently asking the Captain's status.

"Three of his ribs are broken, there's a superficial tear in his right pleura, and luckily, there is no break in the orbital bone around his right eye, although you'd never know it to look at him," McCoy answered dryly, eyeing the Vulcan carefully.

Spock looked to the Captain once again. Fixing his eyes on the back of Kirk's bowed head, he gently probed along the link, but Jim's shields were slammed tightly closed, refusing him entrance. Spock felt a sudden pain in his side that had little to do with the physical blow he had received in the zero-G booth, and everything to do with the emotional one. The Vulcan withdrew at once. He could have demanded admittance, but he had already caused Jim enough pain this day. Besides, what words could possibly be said to assuage the captain's fury? He knew exactly what Jim wished to hear, and yet knew with absolute certainty that he _must not_ say it.

He glanced at McCoy and opened his mouth to speak, but the doctor shook his head slightly, silently telling him _not now, Spock – he's still too angry and confused_. He wondered idly if the doctor understood the true nature of Kirk's anger and confusion. _I am sorry, Jim, but things are as they must be. I shall always be your friend. _Feeling helpless, desolate and utterly alone, he turned on his heel and walked into the corridor.


End file.
